Imagine receiving a phone call from a Los Angeles production office and being asked if you're interested in appearing on a television show.
Of course I thought "Chad" was joking. Chad is a name you use when you're pranking random people in the days before caller ID.*
But then he started selling it by quoting things I'd already read online. From the 30 Days press release (which Chad emailed me that day):
"30 Days will place an individual in a living environment that is antithetical to their upbringing, beliefs, religion or profession. Topics for the six episodes will deal with social and behavioral differences in America ranging from ethnic to religious to economic. Spurlock, who created the concept, will host and narrate the series..."
Yeah, but why me? I wanted to know. Why would my cousin recommend me for this project?
"Your cousin said you would be good for the episode dealing with a homophobic male forced to live with a gay man," said Chad.
"But-but-but--" I stammered.
There are several conversations to avoid in life: one of them is trying to convince someone you're not a bigot.**
Chad didn't believe me, though. He didn't even ask if I was homophobic. He took my cousin José's word for it. And he kept asking me if I wanted to be part of the TV show.
I couldn't convince him I wasn't what he was looking for. He wasn't buying any of it. Here are some of my excuses and Chad's push-back:
- "José and I hung out. With his gay buddies. Frequently. I liked those guys, just not in that way." Chad: "Well, we'd like to see how you feel after a month living with a gay man."
- "I think José said I was homophobic because I stopped talking to him. But it wasn't because he was gay. It was because of inappropriate behavior and his unwillingness to apologize." Chad: "That's not what I heard."
- "I...I have family and job commitments. I can't just fly to L.A. for a month." Chad: "We'll pay you $15,000 dollars."
- "Look, José asked if he could blow me and I said no. But not because I don't like gays. I just prefer women doing that." Chad: "That's not what I heard." ***
In the end, I never actually convinced Chad that I would've made for a boring hour of television. He emailed me more information about the show, and I replied with another excuse why my participation would constitute a conflict of interest: I had a TiVo and was a Nielsen family which could sway the show's ratings. Chad left me alone after that.
A few months later, I watched every episode of the show's first season and enjoyed it. My TiVo represented 250,000 American households. There was a second season, but I only watched half of it. I haven't heard if there will be a third season.
What the 30 Days episode "Straight Man in a Gay World" would have been like with me in it. Note the extent of the conflict.* No offense, Valerie. I'm not mocking your husband's name. Chad Bodean was one of my prank-call aliases.
** Another is trying to convince someone who star-69s you that your name is not Chad Bodean and you don't know what they're talking about.
*** I didn't actually mention this to Chad. But, yes, my cousin asked. Now do you understand more about his past "inappropriate behavior"?
4 comments:
I absolutely loved this show! I hope there's a third season especially with the uhm what's that? OH RIGHT WRITERS STRIKE. JESUS.
Your cousin asked to blow you. That's probably one the weirdest/grossest stories ever. I think you were right for disowning him. And I feel safe judging based on the limited information I have.
Ex: 30 Days lost me at the new age episode. And his, *ahem*, request wasn't the reason I disowned my cousin. But it was typical of the type of thing he said all the time. The camel's back by broken by an accumulation of such straws.
No worries. I laughed out loud when I read, "Chad is a name you use when you're pranking random people in the days before caller ID."
Good story though...I never did see this TV show, but I did enjoy Super Size Me.
"That's not what I heard."
How did you not track Chad down and pummel him for that?
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