I've got kidney stones. Well, a kidney stone, to be exact. 5.9 millimeters doesn't sound like a very large chunk of renal calculi to me, but I'm told its sheer size is the very reason I couldn't go home and piss it out.
I'm in a clean hospital with free Encore on the TV, smiling nurses who inject me with dilaudid--"eight times as strong as morphine!" I was told with a smile--and a free laptop.
It's an IBM running Windows, which explains the slow processing speed and the freezes. I am a Mac, not a PC, and I feel as if I'm cheating on Steve Jobs using such an inferior operating system. But it's free so I'll shut up.
So later today I meet with a urologist who will hunker down and give me the Game Plan for destroying this rock before Bruce Willis and Steve Buscemi land on it with explosives.
I just asked nurse Danielle for more dilaudid.
I'll be out of it for a while.
6 comments:
I have never spent time in a hospital although I did have my tonsels out a few months ago.
My only suggestion would be that EVERY time a nurse comes in you should state "So I guess your gonna have to shave me."
See if you can say it so much that others who arrive start their conversations with "Frist off, I am NOT here to shave you."
Get better!!
The Armageddon reference just made me laugh out loud. Now my co-workers are wondering what's up and I said "My buddy has a kidney stone." Not very empathetic of me.
I agree on the "are you here to shave me?" comment. Afterward, you can just blame it on the drugs.
Hope you get better, buddy!
Let me tell you kidney stone story. Okay, it's not mine, but it was my uncle's.
He had one so big, they wouldn't let him piss it out, either. So, this is what they had to do.
They went in through the out port. Yeah, that one. They took a shunt, moved it up through his urinary tract to the kidney, and put it in place so that the stone wouldn't move. Then they immersed him in a bath and sonicated it into smaller pieces.
And then they had to go retrieve the shunt. Through the same opening.
If you're bored, you can always dial back through my blog (it'd be about two years old now) and read the five-piece article I wrote about my time in the hospital for gall stones. Good times, good times.
jesus mjenks... why the hell would you do that? bastard!
hope you're good as new soon!
I've had the fortune of having gall bladder work done myself. My procedure was done at the Northwestern University complex near Michigan Avenue. To this day, I think I was used as a guinea pig so some med student guy could work that cord thing up my own thing, pass his urinary test or whatever it was.
Regardless, it is still a toe-curling experience. Barf.
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