Madge The Ginormous Kidney Stone is too big to be flushed out of me. She is now self-aware and speaks to me in the voice of Sarah Palin. "You'll never get me out, Rider, fer gosh sakes."
I'm waiting for health insurance red tape to allow me to get a procedure done at a futuristic facility where they will bombard Madge with sound waves. This would cause her to shatter and scream, "What a world! What a world!" The physician who will dole out this punishment said it will "feel like you've been kicked in the back."
In the meantime, she's dug in pretty well and causing all kinds of inflammation and pain. I'm on three different meds to deal with this experience. I feel like Keith Richards without the talent.
Note: I Googled the Madge phrase and found this YouTube video of an old commercial. I get it now.
4 comments:
I want to kill Madge.
Rider's subject line was intended to separate us old fogeys from you whippersnappers. Now get off my lawn, ya punks!
Just this past April, I had a kidney stone that measured 8 mm. I gobbled Percocet like they were M&Ms. I pissed through a screened funnel five times a day. I shifted constantly in my chair at work, on the train and at home. I went to see Wilco and shifted in my seat there, too. I was scheduled for that sonic procedure, but I miraculously pissed it out three days before my appointment.
I feel your pain, brother. Literally.
Isn't this exactly what I said would happen?
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