Comcast-ick*

Hypothetical scenario: If a guy from ComEd ordered you to marry your ex or he would cut the power to your home...would you play along?

Imagine paying upwards of 100 clams a month, then some grinning jamoke shows up on your front porch and says, "You can keep your precious electricity--but only if you marry that loser ex-husband!"

That's an idiotic premise, isn't it? That a woman in that situation wouldn't just slam the door and say, "Whatever, jackass." It's not just me, right? Please tell me I'm not missing something in this latest round of dipshit commercials spewing forth from Comcast's marketing brain trust.

Most folks know Comcast has a reputation for having the worst customer service of any company or agency in existence--scoring even lower than the IRS!--but their lame TV ads are like a vicious kick to my brain's nutsack.

In what fever dream does an individual participate in a scenario where they're put on stage and told to choose between getting tackled by Brian Urlacher or having their cable service discontinued?

And what's their (unstated) prize? To keep paying $45 a month for the same service their competitors charge $25 for? That's some upside!

I switched from Comcast to AT&T earlier this year. The only change I noticed was a two-second delay while waiting for YouTube videos to buffer. That gives me a much-needed moment to reflect on why I'm even compelled to watch a monkey bathe in a sink.

"People will do anything to keep their Comcast"?

Not the ones with principles.

* I like that, upon researching the "comcastic" slogan, I found 13 definitions in the Urban Dictionary and they were all negative.