Right now it's all jocks in China and I couldn't care less.(Note to self: First track off my new album Jocks in China should be "I Couldn't Care Less.")
Where do I turn for my entertainment fix in the meantime? I'm tired of playing "Magnifying Death Ray" with insects.
As if answering my fist-shaking challenge to Mount Olympus, I received this intriguing email.
"Bearacb Darkstone has offered you 'Shakira Night Invite w/cuddle rug' in Second Life. Log in to accept or decline the offer."
I'd almost forgotten that I had joined the online Second Life community a few years back.* I hung out there long enough to discover a few things before bailing:
1. I like who I am, so my avatar looks just like me. But other people's avatars were giant floating penises with penises for arms and a huge eye for a penis. Or they were nude albino elves with machine gun limbs.
2. Just like in real life, I avoided interacting with strangers. In either reality I prefer watching the freakshow from the sidelines.
But out of perverse curiosity, I wanted to find out what a Shakira Night Invite w/ a cuddle rug could possibly be. My Google search was fruitless.
Did you mean: Shakira Night Invite we/cuddle rug
"No, silly Google-bot," I said out loud, "that's not what I meant--and how does that make any more sense?"
I don't want to visit Second Life to find out. That's like giving in--on so many levels. Besides, what if Bearacb Darkstone is a scary dude waiting for me there? It's possible cuddle rug is ironic Second Life slang for something sinister. The Sea Bass/bathroom stall scene in Dumb and Dumber might have been funny for most, but in terms of sheer terror, in my mind, it ranks right up there with Ned Beatty in his tighty-whities silently gathering his clothes. I don't want to be man-handled, is what I'm saying. Even virtually.I just want to know what a Shakira Night Invite w/cuddle rug is, fer cry eye.
And I wouldn't care about any of this if my favorite shows were back on. This summer hiatus is killing me.
* As the Dwight Schrute line goes, "Back then my life was so great I literally wanted a second one." Click here for the clip before NBC legal yanks it. (Those last four words could be graffiti in a men's room at 30 Rockefeller Plaza, come to think of it.)
5 comments:
"Cuddle Rug" alone gives me the heebie jeebies. Although that would be a good name for the band that puts out the album "Jocks in China."
I think you should spend your time creating some you tube videos. Now that's something that I'd like to see.
I wonder if he knows the guy I met in a truck stop named Bear. You know, the one whom I thought was going to rape and kill me, along with my two buddies.
Oh dear god this made me laugh. Also, you just lost 8,320 cool points for ever joining anything having to do with Second Life. But I'll forgive you because you're funny.
Sweet!! Can I join this Cuddle Rug band?
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