I'm dancing around the Block like fool today. I finally found a song that Apple hadn't added to the iTunes Store since its launch in 2003: "Sentimental Lady" by former Fleetwood Mac member Bob Welch.
Sure, iTunes offered knockoff remakes by Welch, which elicited such customer reviews as "DO NOT BUY!!! These are not the original tracks, this is CRAP!" and "I really love Bob Welch, but seriously, the remake of 'Sentimental Lady' really blows."
The reviews were so hostile that Welch himself apparently posted a long retort, claiming, "The reason I did these re-records is because the ORIGINAL versions are inferior." He explains that the old music was "highly compressed" and filtered poorly, and that the new stuff has "full bandwidth dynamic range" and was "meticulously" recorded. Also his voice "finally sounds the way [he] always wanted it to."
It was all very George Lucas circa 1997.
Two things Bob Welch needs to know: 1) "Sentimental Lady," the original version, was an awesome song from my childhood I've wanted on my iPod for a long time. I have patiently checked on its iTunes status several times a year for five years. My current play count an hour after download is already at three.
And 2) Bob Welch looks like Jame Gumb.
* Maybe the lyric should be "a will to be Mary"?