12.17.2007

Legend on The Block

I'm a sucker for "end of humanity" stories. I don't care if you're talking about nuclear annihilation, natural catastrophe, zombies due to a mutated virus...I love 'em all. Any actor who has appeared in such a genre has instant cred with me. If you mention Don Johnson, I think A Boy and His Dog. Anthony Edwards? Screw ER and Top Gun, I think Miracle Mile. (Even Mare Winningham couldn't ruin that movie for me, and she taints everything she's done in front of a camera.)

The event that sparked my fascination was when my dad took me to see The Omega Man on the big screen. I remember thinking, Who is this Charlton Heston fellow, and why is he always gritting his teeth? I didn't know, but he spent that whole movie drunk and angry and shooting albino mutants wearing Ray-Bans. Does a movie need anything more?

In college, I discovered Richard Matheson's 1954 novel in a used bookstore. That's when I learned the title was actually I Am Legend.* I read it and appreciated the scientific explanation for how vampires could actually exist. The idea that monsters could be explained by science had a significant impact on my writing.

But not before I wrote some piss-poor fiction of my own about a similar subject.

Presented here, for your amusement, is an excerpt from an unfinished story I wrote called "Byrne's World." A 22-year-old kid is going about his daily activities as the last slacker on the planet.** His actions mirror the frustration a young Eric Rider must have been feeling about a recent breakup.
"I went over to [my ex-girlfriend's] house and blew out some of her walls with these M-80s that I found on my trip to Indiana. Then I built a ramp leading up to the picture window...and drove her prize '85 Thunderbird up it, a cinderblock holding the gas pedal at a steady 70. It went through the window just fine, but it veered to the left slightly and only took out two walls. The roof didn't even collapse. I had to introduce her father's Mercedes to the living room before the remaining walls gave out and the second floor said howdy-do to the first."
Will Smith is trying to synthesize a cure to save mankind. I'm trashing an ex's house. Nice.


* It's worth mentioning that before Will Smith's movie came out with the book's original title, it had been adapted twice. Vincent Price played the titular role in The Last Man on Earth, nine years before Heston.

**
I didn't have the patience for explanations--he just woke up and everyone was gone, OK?

4 comments:

McGone said...

Please do me a favor... choose your phrasing wisely in the future, because I don't want to ever imagine "Mare Winningham's taint" again, accidentally or otherwise.

Rider said...

Have you ever considered I deliberately choose the phrasing I do to give you something witty to say in the comments? It all plays out according to my grand plan. I wanted to ensure any and all future Google searches for "Mare Winningham's taint" to be directed here.

That will be the title of my new blog, by the way.

Marni said...

I really enjoyed the movie! It was a great one for escape purposes -- not reality. I mean, only spider bites give you the ability to climb walls. Right?

Will held his own throughout the movie. It has to be tough to be in every. single. scene. But he did a great job!

The ending was a little weak - reminded me of The Village - but all in all it was a great flick!!!!

Mare Winningham's taint" - giggle

Anonymous said...

Now I'd like to read the whole story of the slacker trashing his ex's house.