7.09.2008

Texted Movie Reviews: Wanted

Texted Movie Reviews™ is a regular feature wherein Rider posts SMS messages he received on his BlockBerry from friends or family members about current movies.

The following is Jeremy W.'s review of Wanted.

Message #1:

Wanted was awesome. No nudity.

Message #2:

Movie was awesome! GREAT kills

Click this link to read a translation of Angelina Jolie's tattoo

Day 35 on the road - Jebus help me. After leaving Target two days ago, now we're staying in an Arby's.


Chas, the 16-year-old store manager, lets us sleep in a booth because "the corporate douches haven't promoted me to district after five goddamn months. Besides, what are they gonna do--fire me? Feel free to use the laptop, even for porn. I've got shit bookmarked."

His assistant manager Gladys, a 43-year-old mother of six, brings us leftover Bacon Beef 'n Cheddars just before she leaves for the night. I have managed to keep them down, but just barely.

This morning the Mordor County Health Inspector walked in as I was bathing Boxter in the prep area sink. He watched quietly, then informed me that I "missed a spot." He gave the restaurant a pass in exchange for one of my Chuck Taylors. When I handed it over, he explained that he met Ellen Page at a Katy Perry concert and she autographed his right shoe. He keeps it on a shelf at home and needed a replacement.

Chas was pissed at me, though. "You shouln'ta done that, bro! Let 'im close us down! I needed a vacation!"

I replied that it could have turned into a permanent vacation.

"Dude-man, haven't you been listening? Nobody gets fired from Arby's! Joe-Ray the maintenance guy strangled the last store manager, and I just gave him a fi'ty-cent raise!"

I don't think I'll be staying here much longer.

Gotta go. Gladys just told me Boxter pooped in the walk-in.

8 comments:

McGone said...

Every time I drive buy one of those places, I hear Homer Simpson in my head saying, "I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's."

Now it will probably be "Boxter pooped in the walk-in."

Dr Zibbs said...

You might want to give the readers some back story - I had not idea what you were talking about, then I started to think real hard and I think I got it.

Anonymous said...

wow, you sunk so low as to stay in an Arby's?!?! I feel for you, pal.

Rider said...

McGone: That wasn't Homer's quote, but I'll buy you a beer if you can correctly name the person(s) who did say it. No Google searches.

Zibbs: I enjoy being vague almost as much as I appreciate being called out for confusing new readers. You'll have to settle for the Previously on Rider's Block sidebar.

Slinger: What else can go wrong?

MJenks said...

Wasn't that Peter Griffin? Or Brian?

McGone said...

Dammit. Lenny?

Rider said...

It was Shari and/or Terry.

MJenks said...

Oh, right, when they were doing the Lord of the Flies take off.