The Silicon Chip Inside My Head Gets Switched to Overload

I don't like Mondays.

I'm sitting here in a water park resort in Sandusky, Ohio, and I'm glaring at something that makes me want to shoot the whole day down.

I was inexplicably drawn here after yesterday's arrival. I spent the last of my cash to get in, and that's when my faithful Boston Terrier started going Spears-level nuts. Boxter pulled me out into the pool area and I barely had time to snap this picture...


...before he yanked me toward the private cabanas and bar area.

That's when I saw this table from a distance.

I've cropped it here, so you know exactly what Boxter was so excited about.

Looks like a dude enjoying a large, fruity beverage, right?

I moved in a little closer, and I noticed something unusual about the guy. His features were blurry.


Naturally blurry features are a distinguishing characteristic of only one other human on the planet. That man is Hal Haroldson of the Distant Authority Figure blog.

My nemesis.

A man with an irrational hatred of me and my Technorati ranking of 987,964.

Boxter kept straining on the leash, trying to get closer to Hal. After a moment, I realized why he wanted to get closer.


Fernando the pig, the International House of Blogcakes contributor, was drinking a $20 margarita with Hal.

Fernando, whom I set out to rescue when the Pork Liberation Front abducted him (for reasons confusing at best) and then released him (or something) before I had the chance to clear my name.

Fernando, whom was directly responsible for my leaving home and then wandering the country like a damned smelly hobo for seven weeks.

But even worse was when I realized what Hal was wearing.


My Blogger hoodie was stolen weeks ago. Now I find this Hal jerk wearing it--as if I'm not the only person in the country who owns one.

It.

Is.

On.


To be continued...
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