Last Blogger Standing

"Where the hell's Rider?"

I heard your bitching.

If you must know, I slipped into the pop culture equivalent of a coma. With the TV season still weeks away, I resorted to renting V: The Original Miniseries and playing Donkey Kong (only 500 Wii points* on the Wii Shop Channel!)

It was like 1983 all over again, minus the low self-esteem and inescapable Fixx songs.

On the bright side, I finished reading the final collection of the Y: The Last Man series from Vertigo/DC Comics.


If you haven't read it, Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra crafted a superb 60-issue story about a mysterious plague that wiped out every individual on the planet with a Y chromosome. Only one man, Yorick Brown, survived the "gendercide."

It's a fascinating read and impossible to put down. Vaughan delves into the way society would change with women running everything from governments to the entertainment industry to black ops.

The only thing he doesn't explore is how the blogosphere would change...which got me thinking.

If a plague killed off every blogger on the planet except me, it'd be interesting to see exactly who would be left. Many questions and suspicions about the identities of my online friends would be confirmed by the sheer number of blogs with no new entries.

For example, I've met Slinger and McGone and I know they are fine, upstanding representations of the human male (the latter proving it by not wearing Crocs, but that's beside the point).

But who out there is actually a man writing as a woman (or vice versa)?

And how else would the Interwebs change without guys?

Please post your guesses in the comments section.

And ladies, hug a man today. The world would suck without us.
* That's five bucks to you, you non-Wii-playin' loser!

Free Advice for Marvel Studios

I'm reading the early reviews for Iron Man online, and while they've been overwhelmingly positive, I'm seeing one red flag in particular: the soundtrack.

Quoting Moriarty from Ain't It Cool: "I wish Hans Zimmer’s score wasn’t so cookie-cutter. We have yet to hear a truly great Marvel hero theme in any of their films."

I agree with that sentiment, but I offer a solution to the Marvel Powers That Be: give Michael Giacchino a call.

I downloaded "Roar," his Cloverfield theme, and it's the most perfect rampaging-giant-monster music you'll ever hear. It sounds like something from a Godzilla flick--only ten times better. And at a buck-ninety-eight for 12 minutes of music it's a bargain.

If you, the blog-reading Marvel Studio suit, don't get Giacchino to score your planned Captain America movie, DC will scoop him up for their Justice League flick and you'll look like tools.

Listen to the man's score for The Incredibles and tell me I'm wrong.

The Block Becomes a DMZ

DMZ: from Vertigo/DC. Written by Brian Wood, art by Riccardo Burchielli.

Boiled down: Manhattan has become a demilitarized zone following the second Civil War in American history. Insurgent groups and survival rates change from one neighborhood to the next. It's like John Carpenter had a horrifying wet dream. Intern Matty Roth is sent into the DMZ with a Pulitzer Prize-winning jackass to report on conditions inside. Their helicopter goes down in an attack, and Matty finds himself on his own, in an environment he doesn't understand. He becomes the first journalist to file reports on what life is like for the remaining 400,000 citizens who weren't evacuated before the island found itself the epicenter of two warring sides.


The first trade collection* sets up Matty's predicament beautifully. You're thrown into the thick of it with this kid, seeing it all unfold through his eyes in a frightening blur. It's not long before Wood delivers his overriding message and theme of the series: Wake up. Don't believe everything the government tells you about what's going on in a war zone. Matty quickly learns the lay of this new land; such as what happens in a zoo when supplies are cut off (not what you think; Wood's better than that). He also discovers which one item he brought in with him is worth its weight in gold--but only after it's stolen. (I was confused when the perennial bandage--or breathing strip?--above his nose appears between chapters and isn't explained. But Burchielli makes it look cool. That's the important thing.)

The "Body of a Journalist" arc digs into the way reporters are used as tools by both insurgents and the government. Matty's eyes are opened to the way he's being played, and he spirals into paranoia, especially after the leader of an insurgent group reveals a shocking secret. And Matty gets a girlfriend. (But she's from Canada. You wouldn't know her.) A nice backup feature in this collection: a guided tour of New York. Wood digs into the cultures, neighborhoods, and people of a city that's as much a character as Matty himself.

"Public Works" has our hero going undercover to expose a corrupt, Halliburton-like corporation's shady business practices in wartime. This is the most complex and satisfying arc of the three trades I've read. Matty's commitment to uncovering the truth is tested to the extreme, and his courage shines. By the end I found myself admiring this character's determination and guile. I also wondered if there are there any real reporters like Matty Roth still around.

Final word: Intelligent, thought-provoking writing with gritty illustrations you owe it to yourself to read. Wake the hell up.

Hardcore rating: 5 out of 5 "Hardcore, Chucks"




* Note Brian Wood's autograph below the "D" in the title. He signed it for me even though I approached him at a convention and called him by the wrong name. I'm a fucking idiot. FYI.

Rider's 6-Ounce Reviews™ - December 2007

For a guy with too much time on my hands, I don't have much to spare for barely-above-average pop culture offerings. I can wrap these up in the time it takes you to slam half of your Miller Lite (unless you're drinking a tall boy).

Grounded (Image Comics)

Imagine you go to a high school where everyone's special except you. Sounds like 9th-12th grade for me, but Jonathan in Grounded is the only normal kid in a school full of super-powered teens. The creators mix in equal amounts of humor and pathos as they introduce this lonely but determined young boy. Jon's belief in himself at the expense of a social life reminded me of Corey Haim in Lucas--and I don't mean that as a punchline. This is a story about a kid overcoming extreme odds and trying to gain respect through sheer force of will. It had a few flaws (which knocked this down from earning a full review), but it pays off for fans of the superhero genre looking for something original and heartwarming.

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (Anchor Bay)

Most horror films ask you to suspend your disbelief the way a bum wants you to think your donation is going towards food. This movie knees your disbelief in the balls and offers you an ice pack only after you've suffered for an hour. Behind the Mask isn't bad, mind you, but it asks an awful lot. Are you OK with a mockumentary selling the premise of a slasher that lets a camera crew film his wacky exploits as he plans a night of premeditated murder on a group of teenagers? And that the interviewer would treat him like an all-star quarterback training for the Superbowl? To be honest, I was. I wanted to like it based on this blogger's review. It's clear the creators love the genre they're satirizing, but maybe I'm too much of a fan: I saw plot twists coming from the first ten minutes and got hung up on all the questions they didn't answer that would've made it stronger. Saving them for the sequel, perhaps. Heck, I'll rent it. I give change to hobos, too.

52 volumes 1-4 (DC Comics)

I'm more of a Marvel fan than anything, but I cut my reading teeth on old school DC titles, and the premise of telling a year's worth of stories in real-time (a comic a week for 52 weeks) appealed to me. But not enough to buy them as they came out. Hell, no. I waited for the four collected volumes before delving into a universe without its Three Big Guns on active duty. Supes, Bats, and the Amazon take a back seat to a handful of minor and/or supporting characters and give them their moments in the spotlight. Who'da thought a Marvel zombie would actually care about The Question or Animal Man? Or that I would get goose pimples during an especially creepy moment when a burning wicker effigy with a woman's face tugs at Elongated Man's robe and whispers, "Ralph...?" Jebus, I'm still creeped out, and that was in the first volume! Many of the finer points were surely lost on me, but I came away with a deeper appreciation of DC's rich history.