Imagine you're a writer and someone flies you to another town to appear in a discussion panel. They put you up in a hotel, but the ethernet cable in the room is too short and the connection is not "strong enough." So you inform the organizers of the event that you're upset and don't want to fulfill your obligation...and you leave.Then you blame them on your web site for not snapping you out of your funk. You also liken the lack of Wi-Fi to "the four horsemen of the apocalypse... circling and going for the kill."
That's the stunt Jeffrey Wells pulled on the Oxford Film Festival this past weekend.
Oh, he had a grand time sight-seeing before the world turned to shit and spit in his face, having visited Graceland and Sun Records on his way to Mississippi. He even stayed overnight in the Internet-challenged Oxford Downtown Inn, knowing full well he was cut off from The Cloud. How he must have tossed and turned that night! He'd heard there was a funny YouTube video of a boy tripping on painkillers, but he couldn't access it without walking all the way down to the lobby! And no way was that gonna happen!
He was, in his words, in a "mood pocket." That's sort of like a Hot Pocket, but with swirling, debilitating emotions instead of rancid lava-meat. He was cut off from his post-1999 safe zone where immediate wireless Internet is a necessity to do one's job and his balls are lovingly massaged by 802.11 digital spectrum fingers at all times.
Reading his responses to comments on that last blog post, everyone's to blame for Wells' hissy fit--including his AT&T broadband card which doesn't always work even though he pays $60 a month for it. Boo hoo hoo. Time to switch to VerizAlltell, Jeffrey?
The last time someone overreacted like this, he had running mascara and was imploring us to "leave Britney alone."
Read the controversial Who Will Review the Reviewer™ debut post here, wherein Rider takes a Pulitzer Prize-winning film critic to task for phoning in a movie review.
5 comments:
What a dope.
I'm fantasizing about a scenario where Jeffrey Wells and Ben Lyons fight to the death to see once and for all who the biggest douchebag movie critic really is. I imagine Ben Lyons would have his dad hiding nearby, waiting to cut off Wells' WiFi connection at an opportune moment, thereby crippling Wells and his pompadour long enough for Benji to deal the killing blow. That will likely be accompanied by his war cry "'I Am Legend' is one of the greatest movies ever made!"
Your outrage would be far better spent attacking Ticketmaster or greedy bankers or some other scumbags who truly are deserving of scorn, not some movie blogger. This is old news already. You have nothing better to do than write about a writer who chose not to show up for a panel discussion? Get a job, you lazy whiner. At least Wells financially supports himself through his blogging and his writing, instead of just blowing hot air. What makes you so holier than thou and self-righteous? You disgust me.
Zibbs: Yes, I am.
McGone: You need to return to blogging. These comments are mere appetizers. But I guess they'll have to do.
Richard: I didn't "write about a writer who chose not to show up for a panel discussion," I wrote about a writer who chose not to show up for a panel discussion for idiotic reasons and then made those reasons public on his blog. No, it's not an earth-shattering topic, but I'm blogging about pop culture here and I'm cool with Christian Bale's tirade.
So sorry I disgust you. I rather like you despite the fact that you're the one in L.A. doing blog searches for "wells oxford film," just trolling for opportunities to defend your bepompadoured hero who compares Wi-Fi outages to "drowning in blackness" and a "death in the family."
Welcome to the Block, Dick.
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