Canadian Kids, Cabs and a Clooney Clone

I highly recommend checking out The Kids in the Hall's tour "Live As We'll Ever Be."

My Significant Other and I journeyed to the Windy City to meet up with best pal and (occasional) blogger Dean Xene on Thursday. We agreed the aging Kids didn't disappoint.


Their sketches included why the other four needed to rape Kevin, hateful babies, gut spigots, Buddy Cole on Jesus, last-call-defying time machines, Jehovah's Witnesses actually being let into a house, a three-quarters-completed song, a drunken superhero, phone sex with a fowl, a retrospective on how we danced in grades 8 through 12, and why each of the Kids deserved to have their heads crushed. (To Dave Foley: "Two words: poker show.")

They haven't lost their edge. It made me wish for a new TV series. Again.

After the show, Dean brought us to a favorite watering hole on State Street. Along the way, we were approached by a gentleman requesting cash. He fixated on my buddy, walking with him for an uncomfortable 50 feet and trying flattery to loosen his purse strings. "Say, man, anyone ever tell you you look like George Clooney?"

Which is preposterous. Anyone who has ever met Dean will tell you he's the spitting image of Zach Braff. Here's photographic evidence taken outside the bar.


We hoisted a few, caught up on old times, and went our separate ways. Good ol' Braffy.

In the cab ride back to our car, I noticed some hidden-taxicab-service-fee chicanery. As we rolled to a stop, the fare meter mysteriously jumped from $4.65 to $5.85. I was about to call the dude on it, but I remembered something Xene mentioned earlier. These gas prices are hitting hard.

Although, this being Chicago, I'm betting that extra fee wouldn't go away even if gas dropped to $1 a barrel tomorrow.

Calling the Karma Police

I just started a fifth blog, because four wasn't enough.

The thing is, I used to combine all aspects of my life under one catch-all about pop culture, family life, work life, current events, etc.

Of course, those who know me personally know how that turned out.

Oh, I learned my lesson. Sure, you think it's OK to use your real name on the Interweb, because, hey, this is America and we have freedom of speech and I can say damn well what I want on my personal time without repercussions...but I was ignoring one important thing.

Karma.

Please check out my new blog Calling the Karma Police. It's a collection of links and stories about how we're all subject to checks and balances on a cosmic scale.

I'm inviting contributors, which means you're more than welcome to submit an interesting story about your own run-ins with the big K. Just shoot me an email and join the team. No fraternity-level hazing or snipe-hunting gags, I promise.

Gotta go. Have to start planning my sixth blog.

Why Indiana Jones Is Like Current John Byrne Art

I will punch you in the throat if you're telling your friends that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is even half as good as Raiders of the Lost Ark. You and me, we're blood enemies at that point. I slap your cheek with my gauntlet and spit on your shoe.

That being said, it's not a "terrible" movie, as one guy I know insisted over and over during conversation. I didn't walk into the theatre expecting a friggin' Mamet piece.

I was fine with the opening warehouse sequence, I laughed at Spielberg's tongue-in-cheek method of introducing Indy to the "Cold" War, I was only slightly distracted when "Janitor" from Scrubs appeared and gave Jones the third degree, and I thought the ending was entirely apropos for late-'50s-era genre movies.

What was missing was the magic.

I'm not talking a lack of CG or extended action sequences. This had those in abundance. No, I'm talking about the magic found in the details.

27 years ago when Raiders took the box office by storm, my favorite artist was a guy named John Byrne. He was the talent behind several seminal runs in comic titles like Uncanny X-Men, Superman, and Fantastic Four. He was awesome because of the attention to detail he lavished upon every panel. As the years went by, Byrne took on more and more projects and his lack of passion soon became clear on the page. He chalked it up to an "evolving" art style.


The left panel shows Byrne at his peak, circa 1982. Click on the image and compare it to the panel on the right from '99 (which I believe was the last time he drew the FF for Marvel).

This is my roundabout way of telling you that Spielberg and Lucas have drawn the latest Indiana Jones adventure with much broader strokes than they once did, and the result is a pale imitation of the globe-trotting archaeologist I came to know and love.

My favorite moments in Raiders were the little ones. Remember when the rolling boulder came down the incline and Harrison Ford had that look in his eyes that said, "Jeez!" Or when the bald, bare-knuckled Nazi hit Indy so hard his legs wobbled? What about when Belloq was monologuing like a good villain should and that fucking bug crawled into his mouth while he talked--and he didn't notice?!

Magic moments like those are entirely lacking in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And lingering on a portrait of Sean Connery doesn't count in my book.

I expect shabby work like that from George Lucas, but not Spielberg.*

Now if you'll excuse me, I just dug out a pile of FF comics from the '80s and they're calling my name.

* I can think of three moments in War of the Worlds alone that qualify as proof that Spielberg still knows his shit: the thrown-sammich-on-the-window scene, the swooping tracking shot in and out of the family's car as it races down the highway, and the lingering shot on the basement door when Cruise confronts Tim Robbins.

Blockheaded Speculation on Lost 4.12

The first part of "There's No Place Like Home" has the urgency of Michael gunning for a Dumpster with a note pinned to his shirt.

This season's over after two more hours. I'm both dreading and anticipating the moments before the "Lost" title card slams onto the screen for the last time in 2008. What will the final shot reveal? The freighter exploding? The island sinking into a swirling vortex and appearing on the other side of the world off the coast of Saudi Arabia?* Claire in Jedi robes materializing next to Charlie, Boone, and Shannon? (Face it, she's dead, Jim.)

I go into the finale with no baggage. I've been pleased with the pace of this season. Cuse & Lindelof have continued to inspire me as a writer with their storytelling techniques.

This week I'm only speculating about one scene I'm expecting in 2010.

• Hurley's mom will continue her trend of "not getting it" in a flash-forward when she wakes him and says, "Hugo [pronounced hoo•go], it's 4/8 and I've brought you 15 or 16 donuts to celebrate the 2,342nd day of your safe return from the island."

I'd love to see him leap out of bed, knock the donuts from her hands, and bust a Hurley-shaped hole in the bedroom wall as he runs into the sunset. End of series.


* What's the deal with the skyline reflected in the water in the promos? Shouldn't that be explained? What city is that?

Waitin' On More Mose Till September

I enjoyed the season finale of The Office, especially because of the surprise appearance of Dwight's cousin Mose. To me, a walk-on by the suspendered Schrute is like the sun poking out of the clouds after a refreshing rain. I just squint and smile.

Even better, over on his live blog, the guy who plays Toby mentions something in the works called "Mose's New Bicycle."

Please let it be an entire Mose-centric episode. It'll be worth the wait.